y did u give ur computer a hand job?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
