There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
