The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
