so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
