no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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