I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
