i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
