Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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