he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
