I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just want nice things and good sex
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
