I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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