Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize