He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
