I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
