What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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