I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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