You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
