You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
