Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
