had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My pussy is not your playground.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
