I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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