you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
