Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
