u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
