if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
