grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize