is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
