Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
