i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
