I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize