I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
