oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And then he peed in my hair
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