Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
