Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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