I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
