i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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