Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
