There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
