The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
