What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
last night I used snow as a chaser
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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