have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
