In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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