My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
