# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
