Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
