That's intense
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
