one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
