I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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