I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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