Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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