Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you had me at cake vodka
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
