even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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