I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
