There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Holy shit dude........stairs
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
