i jhust puked up my retainher.
Buhtt sex?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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