Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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