Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
