if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
ttyl tear gas
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize