I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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