I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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