I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize