After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
