If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
