you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
