if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
