I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
