I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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