Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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