hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
