why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
