I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
