Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
