are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
