My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
