Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
