so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize